Mother's Day

Fox News with Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly reported today that stay at home Mom's salary would equate to $117,000 a year.

Well for sure.

Happy Mother's Day Mom's

One of my favorite things was when someone would say, "Oh you don't work."
Ha ha ha ha ha...that's funny, NOT!!! No, I just don't draw a salary.

I was a stay at home Mom . Now I'm a grandmother, woo hoo!!! Yah baby!!!
Color me deliriously giddy.

Stay at home Mom's are worth their weight in gold. It is demanding but the long term rewards are worth every tear invested. Mom's out there-stay at home Mom's Don't give up!!! Be strong and courageous!!!

One of the more difficult times for Mom is the PMS (pre-meditated murder syndrome I've heard it labeled) hour of each and every day. That would be from say 3:45 pm to 7:00 pm.This is the time of day when you have nothing left and the foot tapping finger snappin demands are made. It's like hey I'm spent, I have nothing more to give and yet the children, pets, chores and spouse can somehow wring more out of you than you thought you had. Or maybe the Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons stop by for a visit at this time. Maybe one of those magazine sales people…maybe it's the rape crisis people or one of the neighbors with the candy bar fundraiser or school fundraiser selling Christmas wrap. Or one of my all-time favorites an unannounced relative visit (Run SAVE yourselves!!!).

It is the end of the day when you walk to the kitchen without the strength to make a fist and you see a stack full of dirty dishes, pots n pans that need to be done and trash needs to be taken out, three phone calls that need to be returned, no clean underwear and you need milk for breakfast in the morning. Now there is nothing wrong with any of these problems unless of course you're grumpy and worn out (this could be six out of the seven days in a week-that's why God gave Mom's the gift of the seventh day Sabbath rest). If you have good energy and great frame of mind and have attended seminary classes for the Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses interruptions you may be ok. However if you haven't might I make a couple of useful suggestions...

really the only way to defend yourself bravely against the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witness with any self-respect would be...

1. ...if you just got home from an entire day at the Spa with facial, full body massage, lunch, green tea, manicure, pedicure with make-up application and hair (cut, hi-lights, lo-lights, gray covered done,

2. ...a 2 hour nap

3. ...and then answer the door and say, "hi, thanks for stopping by. (I personally here would recommend singing in Gregorian Chant or Opera “Hi, thanks for stopping by but you can use your discretion)

4. ...Next ask them, “Can I get you a bottle of water, pop, juice, milk, cup of coffee in a to go cup, Jack Daniels?”

5. ...It's nice to have snacks, pre-packaged like trail mix or Chex party Mix in an individual serving...I guess you could have a sandwich for them if you have something pre-warpped, like say a Tuna sandwich from 7-11 and of course Prozac. Ok, so offer them a beverage and be polite. Like Frank Burns from Mash says, "It's nice to be nice to the nice."

6. ...Next, have at the door a bulletin from your church. And on that bulletin have your e-mail address and or your pastors e-mail address. And ask the Mormon or the Jehovah's Witness to have their elder e-mail you because you have some questions about the Mormons and or Jehovah's Witnesses. Have the bulletin from your church and the sticky post it note stuck to your church bulletin with your e-mail address or your pastors e-mail address (you may use my e-mail address or my brother Ron's e-mail address. My brother Ron is more than willing to visit at great lengths with the Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses and go over the important theological questions because you don't have time with all the demands made on you as a STAY at HOME MOM. It's very important that you have your church bulletin with your e-mail address or better yet your pastor’s e-mail address or my e-mail address or my brother Ron's email address ready before you open the door. Let me repeat have the bulletin and e-mail addresses ready before you open the door. If you give the Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormon's your e-mail address and they write you then forward the e-mail to your pastor, or me or my brother Ron and we will help answer any questions you have about the Mormon's or the Jehovah’s Witnesses. It's much better to have your pastor talk with the Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses about proselytizing than trying to handle it on your own as a Stay at Home Mom. The important thing to remember when visiting with the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons is that all the e-mail correspondence we will CC you and them and the pastor on and this will more effectively help you with this interruption. You can check in on the e-mail and step by step your pastor, and my brother Ron and I will go through your questions and the Jehovah’s Witnesses response to your question and light shed on the doctrinal issues and salvation from a Biblical worldview. Don’t run and scream at your children because of the interruption. Don’t run for the shotgun. Don’t suck down a bottle of Jack Daniels…just give them your church bulletin and ask them to have their Elder e-mail you and forward the e-mail on to your pastor, me or my brother Ron.

7. Next, if they are still willing to visit with you, tell them you must go because you are going out for a romantic dinner with your husband and you are leaving in 15 minutes or you are preparing a romantic dinner for you and your husband and he’s going to be home in fifteen minutes.

8. They may want to schedule a visit with you and suggest bringing their elder…I would highly recommend the “have your elder e-mail me and my pastor” first. Seriously, if you have not completed step one, DON’T ANSWER THE DOOR!!! Save yourselves and your family.

Now, if its children selling candy bars, Christmas wrapping paper fund raisers…hmmm let me think. I like first {if I have the time which I didn’t when I was raising my younger children}…step out on the porch and sit down with them and-[actually it's not that I didn't have the time-it's that I didn't know what to do and this is where this tip will come in handy]...

1. Ask them if they know the Ten Commandments. Ask them to tell you what they are and in what order.

2. Ask them, do they know who Martin Luther is? {The answer is, Father of the Reformation?} Ask them, When is his birthday? (The answer is November 10, 1483). If they don’t know it is a good idea to have a paperback book available at the door for them to read at a grade school level {you may be able to purchase these used inexpensively from a local library or online used }. Ask them to read the book and then come back with a report.

3. Ask them if they have a church home or if they go to church with their parents. If they don’t go to church or they don’t know if they go to church or they don’t know if their parents go to church, give them a church bulletin and invite them and their parents to church. If your budget allows buy a roll of Christmas wrap and or a candy bar.and do follow-up to the above mentioned three questions when they bring you the fundraiser item purchased.

If it is a magazine salesperson give them a church bulletin and invite them to church. Reply, “no at this time I don’t need windows, siding, magazines, air conditioning, insurance, automotive coupon books, restaurant savings books or Madagascar fruit bats but thanks for asking.” If I needed anything right now it would be a winning lottery ticket-do you have one of those? Only a winner please of 15 million or more. Please come back when I can buy a “winning” and by winning I mean not a losing $15 million lottery ticket…otherwise here’s a church bulletin, I’d like to invite you to church. And if I might be so bold as to suggest here if you have a fundraiser at your church at the time encourage the door to door sales person to purchase whatever the fundraiser is for your church at that time. An example we make available a home in Loiyangalani Kenya for orphaned tribal children for $40 a month and I make this offer available to each and every door to door solicitor that they too can help an orphan from one of the tribes in Loiangalani, Kenya Africa if they have the money. The home run by missionaries Jim and Barb Teasdale provides a home for orphaned children there. We can use all the money and help we can get. Again you must plan ahead for this tip and have a church bulletin and fundraiser brochure from your church by the front door when this crisis de jour rears its ugly head during the PMS hour of the day. These drive by guiltings and interruptions rob you and your dear family of time together that would otherwise go uninterrupted. What happens is your inability to “NOT” answer the door results in a delayed stress syndrome like Vietnam Veterans go through back from war. The family is adversely affected later in the evening or later in the week when these salespeople keep coming back because it wasn’t taken care of initially-the old “nip it in the bud” thang your grandparents used to say. By giving door to door salespeople church bulletin, fundraiser brochure, Ten Commandments quiz and an understanding of Martin Luther, the father of the Reformation this becomes an opportunity for evangelism in the reverse. They are coming to your door and we are equipped as Christians to use every means necessary and unnecessary for the great commission, making disciples of men.

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I have this cartoon image in my head of the song "FREAK OUT" when PMS hour strikes “Stay at Home Mom's.” Sometimes closing my eyes (not for 7 hours and 68 minutes) just for a few moments and taking a mental vacation (Denis Waitley suggested this in his Psychology of Winning cassette series). I would think about having coffee with my Mom. She was Norwegian and she and her Mother and her sisters would stop for forenoon coffee with a morsel and afternoon coffee with a morsel. I would think of time with Mom, driving to and from family reunions and Mother singing songs on those road trips. Mother, she was a real treasure.I would think of the wide open Wyoming prairie from our road trips to visit Grandma and Grandpa in South Dakota or the Rocky Mountains and a mountain stream, fields of flowers, a mountain meadow, snow capped mountains a pleasant thought from vacation past. It works well.

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My husband traveled. He traveled a lot. He accumulated enough travel miles for a free RT airline ticket to China in 1989. The results of those miles were that we hardly knew each other when we traveled to China which presented its own fun and games – however one of the skills I learned to help get over the rough spots whilst he was away…I would take the children out to dinner to something like a Pizza place or McDonald’s with playground. In Denver it was Casa Bonita. They have lots of fun and games, caves, cliff divers, puppet shows and many arcade games. The children were entertained and ran off energy and it was a night off for Mom from cooking and meal planning. Many times the “what’s for dinner?” syndrome is frustration city. By going out the children have an entire menu to choose from and Mom gets to have something special. This may be a once a week outing or more based on the family budget. Many times restaurants have the children’s menu which was very affordable and I watched for coupons. Also I would ask the children if they would like to bring a friend along. It helped tremendously with the sadness of the spouse not being there and the parent.Another fun outing was going to the dollar movies or the rec. center with water slide. Maybe even just walking the track that the elderly use for cardio workout.Many elderly walk the malls for cardio workout during the winter because it’s indoor and easier on the respiratory system. A mall in Denver has a play station in the center of the mall and this offers great entertainment and energy run off for the wee little ones. I liked getting the wagon and big wheels out and walking to the ice cream store.The children enjoyed the walk, the treat and then back home they would cheerfully lay down for nap or rest time after a long walk or that evening presented a no-hassle bed time.I think children especially like the involvement of the parent. By that I mean if you go to the rec center pool the children so much more get into it if Mom gets in the water with them and plays. It bonds a parent to the child. I recommend riding the waterslide if you’re able. Kids love seeing you participate and enjoy the outing as much as they do. Children have this gauge or meter about them that senses if you are trying to enjoy time away from them and they aren’t to happy about it. It’s like trying to sneak a Krispy Kreme donut on a diet with an accountability partner…no shortcuts people. The kidz are like totally conscience of you pulling fast one. You know like a boss watchin you trying to sneak in an extra cigarette break or something. No worries with kidz-they are like totally watching to make sure you don’t sneak in any extra time off or sick days without legitimate cause. It’s like they file charges with the local union if you chisel on your Stay at Home Mom duties for the day. Sup wit dat?

Stay at home Mom’s experience a different kind of sick day. You actually get sicker as you watch the chores back up, laundry reproducing on its own like some science lab experiment gone bad. The dishes backing up and stacking up. You wonder whose been sneaking in the house eating and leaving dishes. The trash starts overflowing the trash cans and you know any minute the local Toxic Waste will be called in. Laundry is a killer…I would sing like Michael Jackson impersonating Mike Tyson “I loaded tttttthhhhhhsixteen ton whaddya get another day older and deeper in debt TTTTTTTSSSHAINT Peter doncha call me cuthhhhhz I can’t go I owe my ttttttttttthhhhhhhhsoul to another load. What is up with the laundry? Laundry alone is enough to make you cry – rolled up in the fetal position on the kitchen floor sucking your thumb, wimpering, saying make it go away. Make the bad laundry stop re-producing. What is causing this laundry problem??? Think of people that live to be 90+. Oh man, that is a lot of laundry. It’s causing the room to spin just the thought of it.

Just before I would entertain the thought of cracking open a bottle of Wild Turkey…on days when the laundry got backed up with a Stay at Home Mom-Sick Day, I would sort the laundry at home and put it all in sorted load bags and go to the laundromat and get it all done in a couple of hours. Then I got really smart and once a month or so I would sort the laundry and take it to one of those laundry service places by the pound. Now that was/is a Lady Diana moment. Woo hoo, 5 minute laundry. Drop off in three minutes, pick up all washed, dried and folded in 2 minutes. You can’t know the Cinderella moment this is for Mom when she gets behind on the laundry chores. You gotta love those dear laundry people at the drop off Laundromat. They are a stay at home Mom’s best friend on more than one occasion!!!

5 minute drop off laundry-A definite keeper in the tool box of “how do I manage this laundry list (no pun intended) of problems?” for equipping Stay at Home Mom’s on those infamous “stressed out day” happenings and they will happen.Have a plan…like a commando Rambo plan.

Another outing I would plan would be to visiting an elderly relative or the elderly at a nursing home. It brings the elderly great joy visiting with young children. The laughter and joy is greatly appreciated for days they are suffering with loneliness or pain. It is an opportunity to teach children about patience with the elderly and the elderly are generous in sharing wisdom of what it takes to live a long life. It is nice to bring a flowering plant or pictures that the children have drawn for the elderly person. This can be done in visiting a nursing home or a relative. I’m not suggesting you stay for 11 hours. That probably isn’t a good idea for you, the children or the elderly person and you might all end up with a severe case of irritable bowel syndrome by days end but 30 minutes will bring great joy to a senior citizen. As a Stay at Home Mom I was forever thinking of ways to put the zip in zippety do dah with the children and for myself to keep me from going criminally insane. Not to say that criminally insane is a bad thing it’s just not the best excuse for getting out of being an effective and successful stay at home Mom. I was forever looking for creative ways to navigate through the Stay at Home Mom corn maze and see my children have families of their own, meaningful careers or leading productive and profitable lives and believe it is a God pleasing goal/calling. My Mom and Dad both encouraged me to stay home and raise my family. My in-laws encouraged me too.

I know a couple that had a pretty slick family arrangement and I think it is exceptionally good for today’s Moms and Dads – She works one or two days a week and Dad watches the children with an in-home office. Dads are so way important to the family. I think this is really a good arrangement if it can be done. It gives Mom a day or two out to continue in a field of interest she may have in the business world or cultivate a job skill. And Dad’s have a greater understanding of how the home is working. Children learn life skills from “parents” not just from the one. Mom and Dad have so much to offer in the upbringing of children. With the simplest task Mom and Dad can do things so much different and offer new ways for the children to look at projects and examine a broad range of solutions for the everyday challenges that face us as human beings and children of God. Mom and Dad together growing the family equip the children with tools necessary to lead lives that make this world a better place to live.

I am hearing more and more of a return to family businesses which is way cool, where the family actually runs a business. This has got to be one of the greatest ways to raise a family that there is. Like working a farm together, or a bakery, or restaurant or specializing in something like raising alpacas, from baking chocolate chip cookies to horse back riding lessons.

The possibilities are endless.